Sunday, November 13, 2011

Hey, bitches. Sorry for not posting last week... actually, no, I'm not. Fuck you all ;D Anyhoo, let's get this show on the road, shall we? FABULOUS.
This week's blog is about... psh. I got nothin'. Sorry, hookers... wait, no, I'm not sorry. BOLLOCKS. That will be all, thank you.

Now, please enjoy this picture of me being happy and not giving a flying fuck about anything. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Jesus, Please Slam This Bitch.

Alright, hookers. First installation of the black man process. I know. I'm excited too. Calm the fuck down. 

Anyhoo... the topic of the day is MC Hammer pants and the fake-ass bitches that try to pull them off. I understand that people are allowed to pretty much wear whatever the fuck they want, but c'mon... unless you're MC Hammer himself, you have NO right to wear such an atrocity. First of all, you look like a fucking idiot walking down the hallway with your "swagga'" and your stupid-ass Nicki Minaj shirt... just stop it. Second of all, IDFK when "swagga'" became defined as "wearing a fucking diaper in order to look like an even bigger ass than you already are". Please, someone tell me if I'm wrong. Third of all... just no. Fuck no. If you wear hammer pants, then you're officially my enemy. I will go out of my fucking way to ask Jesus to let your ugly-ass, diaper-clad soul go to hell. Fourth of all: the bitches I see wearing hammer pants are the bitches that wish they were black. Now, seriously... do you really think you look gangster with a pair of leopard-print reverse jodhpurs, a GaGa t-shirt, Nike's that probably didn't even come from a fucking Nike store, and an ugly-ass haircut? HELL TO THE FUCK NO, BITCH. Sit the fuck down, get your earbuds outta' your ears, and listen: you look like an idiot. And now I'm done with you.

Picture of the Day: 
Maury. The man is a fucking genius. He makes millions of dollars by exploiting the idiots of the world. So, this one's for you, Mr. Povich.
Maury Povich - Keeping It Classy

Dumb Celebrity Quote of the Day:
"I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid." - Paris Hilton
God, this whore is fucking brilliant.

That's all I have for today, bitches. Always remember to stay classy, but not too classy; let your inner Kardashian ass roam free; and wear a condom during anal sex... because all politicians come from somewhere ;)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

From Asian to Black Man- A Whore's Story

Hell to the fucking lo. My name is Hannah. No, not just 'Hannah'. HANNAH. The one and only. Let's start off this shitty blog about my life with some facts about myself. You know, a little introduction. It's like the Asian before the black guy in the porn industry- you gotta start small. So, here's my Asian: I am a bitch... you'll learn that in due time. I adore, positively ADORE scarves, headbands, eyeliner, Adele, my purple sock hippo (Poppy), Broadway Musicals, skinny jeans, Juicy Couture, indie music, and craft paper. My favorite hobbies include drawing, sex, watching Gossip Girl, sex, reading, sex, writing, sex, cuddling, and more sex. I also love to hate people.
 My besties include: Whoreseph (the coolest Avril-obsessed, Gaga-hating whore you'll ever meet),  Guido (the sexiest Buffy loving, short bitch I've ever known), and HEW (the Galinda to my Elphaba). My favorite food is Nutella, and I eat it with a spoon; I enjoy laughing at and sometimes tripping the stupid people; and I am pretty much the most perfect person in the entire universe, as far as my opinion goes. I'm completely against abortion, completely for LGTB marriage rights, and I hate Obama. I used to be a vegetarian... then, my grandfather made steaks. I prefer winter and fall over summer and spring because I hate being hot (not physically, because I already am).
Now, to the important part. Why is my life such an anomaly? Well, because I'm so fucking diverse. I'm just... weird. Yeah, now you're disappointed because I had to quit being sarcastic... but seriously. I like literally every style there is of anything- that includes music, fashion, books, drawings, lifestyle... anything. The only things I truly resent are rap, rednecks, and rags (the "Three R's", if you will). Why? Because I've grown up around them... and familiarity breeds contempt.
Anyhoo, that's about it for now. I'm officially done with my small and slightly annoying Asian facts, and I'll be moving onto the bigger and better black guy sorta stuff next week. Now I have to go take a shower... because even though I may act like a hipster, I most certainly do NOT want to smell like one (just because you wear vintage doesn't mean you have to reek like vintage... GET THAT IN YOUR HEADS). I'll talk to you bitches next week.